part one.

wow. it's been months since i've been on here..i've missed this place.

however, life happened and time was lost in the shuffle-but i've loved every minute of this crazy ride.

since i've written last my whole life has changed. i married a wonderful man who makes

me smile every single day. we had a simple ceremony on a piece of land that we plan to build our home upon some day. our wedding was perfect, and included all the fun, quirky things that make my heart smile. it included the closest family and friends. school buses and lemonade, and of course my husband. that same man is not only a wonderful husband, but an incredible daddy.

that's right. a beautiful little girl joined our family on 11.20.11.

miss hatlee jade irish.

our world hasn't been the same since.

from the day i found out i was pregnant, to the moment we found out we were getting induced to have our baby, to the very second we saw her...it's been the most beautiful time.

I wouldn't have wanted anyone beside me other than my husband.

We spent our afternoons and evenings on the hammock this past summer discussing whether we thought it was a boy or a girl. We laid in bed longer to talk about how our life would change. No matter how much we planned or talked or dreamt-never in our life did we think it would be this magical.

Our baby was not due until the 29th of november, but i had been having back pain for weeks.

after nights of going to the ER and to additional doctor visits we were assuming it was just extra pressure on my back due to the size of the baby.

the early morning of november 18th changed a few things.

i left the bed i shared with my husband to come downstairs.

i wasn't feeling well, and due to my back i couldn't sleep.

shortly after, i got sick. flu sick. and if you think the flu is no fun on a regular day, try being 9 months pregnant. so painful.

i called my mom around 1:30 in the morning and her words were short and sweet.

"if you are throwing up, hang up the phone right now and call your doctor."

i did as i was told, and he advised me to go check into the hospital.

i woke tj up and away we went.

after and hour of being placed on the contraction monitor and getting fluids pumped back in me- i was doing fine.

i stood up and the moment i bent down to put my shoes on, i felt it coming.

i kindly looked at tj and said--"this isn't going to be good.."

I meant to finish by saying i needed a garbage, but i didn't have time.

back in bed and onto IV's i went. for two days.

finally after thinking it was a kidney infection and having antibiotics pumped into me for a day

they did blood work and realized it wasn't an infection...

then the ultrasound was ordered.

after doing so they discovered my bladder wasn't draining properly so my kidneys were sore.

and man were they sore. it takes a lot for me to realize pain, but this was it.

at about 5:30 saturday night while sitting around with tj, my mom, and my friend sam in my hospital bed, my phone rang.

my doctor, after reviewing ultrasound images, decided it was time to start the inducing process.

i hear my face was priceless. i looked at my husband. we would be leaving here with a baby.

my packed bags were still sitting at home.

my mind couldn't grasp it.

in two short hours he would be back to give the nurses the go ahead.

after i got off the phone tj hopped into my hospital bed with me and we shared some alone time.

we ate chocolate pudding and freaked out over the fact that this was really happening.

we were ready for our baby, but in that moment, it was surreal.

we laid there for a half an hour and it was in this moment we picked a girls name.

we had narrowed down boys names, but we hadn't agreed on a girl.

i'm going to admit this right now. our daughter is named after a name i read on a livestock trailer.

Hatley Livestock.

I remember the exact moment tj and i were pulling out of a gas station and the truck drove by us. I said the name out loud, but never mentioned anything about it being a neat name.

until the night before we were going to meet this baby.

tj liked it.

we decided we'd change the spelling to reflect his brother, denim lee irish..

and jade is my middle name.

so hatlee jade it was for a girl.

and breckin james it was for a boy.

tj decided to head home to grab my bags and to shower, and my mom came back into the room so i had a moment of mom and daughter time..

i needed that.

she's always been there when i needed her most, and having a baby is one of those "most" moments...

what happened when tj left was the start of our baby process, i will pick back up with part two soon. ...

..in the form of love.

You know how one person can have a horrible year, the one where everything goes wrong...?

But with every tough day you face, and every tear you shed, you realize you are becoming stronger and that each struggle you pass through is preparing you for something wonderful to come...

Well, my wonderful came in the form of love.

A love that I cannot explain.

A love that is so cliche' you will not believe me after reading about it.

And a love I cannot wait to have for years, and years, and years to come.

...and sometimes, when you are in love....things happen..

..and EVEN MORE WONDERFUL things come.

...like babies.

Meet baby Irish.

The most unplanned, unexpected, adored little blessing.

Never in my life have I known how many days away the month of November is..

or have I cared.

Never.

A baby changes lots of things. :)

every.single.day.

and he said..."i love you and i know that this is what i want."

she argued ...."you might love me today, but there are a lot more days that you are going to have to love me."

and then she melted when he replied..."i hope it's every single day for the rest of my life."

..and hopeful.

march 31st, twenty eleven.

12:37 pm.

scared. surprised. and hopeful.

here goes nothing.

411.

Hi.

Just me--that girl that seems to forget to write on here once and awhile.

Forgive me. Please.

So, about two months ago I had the pleasure of heading down to Mexico to shoot a BEAUTIFUL wedding. The couple is gorgeous, the scenery was brilliant, and the fun was plenty.

I spent the 5 days taking in the sunshine with my boy who just happened to celebrate his birthday while we were down south.

..we spent our time renting jet-skis, shooting the wedding, parasailing, kayaking, and having some fun at the swim up bar.

I loved every. single. minute.

...and am ready to go back right now.

i think my man makes mexico scenery look even better.

just throwin' it out there.

Power.

Never

ever

underestimate

the power of

a

kiss

on the

cheek.

man, he's the sweetest.

yes. even still.

beautiful.

you. me. ranger. fire. naps. pizza. laughter. breakfast. moles. snow. dogs. hiking. trees. happiness.

such a wonderful day.

happy weekend.

get it right.

If I get anything right in my lifetime...

Let it be love.

Living.

Yep. I'm still alive.

Might not look that way, but I am.

Sometimes living is staying away from my computer for a few days.

..and that means less blogging.

However, if laughing and loving, and singing and dancing, and kissing and hugging is living.

I'll take that any day.

Happy FRIDAY!

Ps. I've been singing to this man lately. Isn't this video adorable? I want that MAP!

4 am.

i arrived home after a week of being gone to the most special gift waiting for me on my bed.

you are the kindest thing. your words and pictures made me smile and dance around my bedroom.

then you came over and the night got even better. we talked for hours before crawling into bed to watch some Dexter on Netflix, and to steal a few kisses here and there.

You make me so happy.

I looked over only to see you staring back at me. I asked if you were hungry, so down to the kitchen we went to make a 2.30am snack.

Back upstairs we raced to watch a few more episodes, and finally around 4 am. our night came to an end...with you right beside me.

I absolutely love those nights.

Love. Love. Love.

Snow Falls..

This week I watched the snow fall and realized I loved lazy Saturday mornings spent watching hours of Dexter with you. I realized I loved sipping hot chocolate while sitting at the computer watching ridiculous videos. I realized I loved your grin, and I hope that if I'm with you in years to come that I never forget how incredible seeing that smile makes me feel. I realized I loved your jokes, and your caring ways. I realized I loved spending hours just sitting around the house talking, and how each story you tell intrigues me more and more. I realized I love your hands, and the way they rub my back out of habit every time we sit down together. I realized I loved your laugh, and the way it fills up a room.

I realized I loved the way you effortlessly fit in to my life.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that this week I watched the snow fall and I realized that I have absolutely, no doubt about it...

fallen in love with you.

scary? yes.

wonderful? definitely yes.

day one.

Day One.

Tj came over.

Went to buy RV antifreeze.

Went to get camper.

Brought it to my house.

Checked it out.

Ran to Ace to get cords.

Got ice-cream.

Came back to camper.

Looked over all light switches/heaters/drawers/cabinets.

Realized the previous owners didn't think it would be cool to empty sewer lines.

Had a mess.

Laughed at each other once realizing what I had gotten myself into.

Cleaned it up. (while gagging.)

Tj fixed oven. and fridge. and everything he could.

Ripped out part of ceiling to see what we had to work with.

Removed random screws throughout camper.

Called it a day.

A perfect day one if you ask me.

Ps. this thing came with working party lights. it might have been filled with crap..but working party lights make up for a lot of things. :)

sold.

They say money can't buy you happiness.

However, $500 brought me some joy...

And she's all mine.

...and she's beautiful--even if she looks like a diamond in the rough right now.

:)

Have a happy, happy week.

Grow and be ready.

Isn't that the hardest part of life...

The whole growing and being ready part?

Never in my life did I think that was true. I thought I needed somebody to help me grow. Somebody to grow with. Now more than ever do I realize that you need to be comfortable and happy with you first. You need to figure out what is going to make you smile, and what is going to hurt your feelings. You need to figure what makes your world happy, instead of relying on what makes others happy. Once you are the best you possible- I think thats the time you will find pure happiness in others.

You won't want to waste your time with someone you aren't quite sure about.

You will be at that point in your life where you know you can be happy on your own, and it's at that moment, in the complete calmness of finally enjoying who you are that you might just meet somebody that is exactly what you are looking for.

For me it's somebody who will walk right on into my house without knocking.

Someone who finds fun in hanging up pictures on the wall.

A guy who feels bad if you don't talk that night.

Somebody who at the hint of a smile can make my day.

..a guy who rinses his dishes off in the sink.

......someone who helps me look for the remote after i've lost it for the 5th time that evening.

... somebody who makes me feel comfortable asking him the most uncomfortable questions.

..someone who i cannot wait to kiss each moment i see him.

..somebody who respects this world and the people in it.

...somebody who makes a road trip more fun, rather than awkward.

...somebody who lives in the moment and is up for anything.

..somebody who enjoys doing nothing.

...and somebody who can make me smile. For real.

So, make sure you are truly happy with yourself before you rely on somebody else to put happiness into your world.

It's a lot easier that way.

Because if nothing else, what is there to lose?

If you were happy with just being you, life will be good either way.

Someday...How about today!?

Hi my name is Awna, and I think I just bought a camper.

I am about 94% positive I am going to do this for real.

It might be slightly ugly now, but I have big hopes for her.

I'm thinking wooden floors.

Colorful bedding.

White Cabinets.

And an amazing exterior paint job.

I cannot wait.

Summer 2011 better be ready for a few roadtrips and fishing adventures.

Doesn't that kinda look like a slice of heaven?

I think so.

I think I might need a pickup.

tired.

"Are you tired too?"

"Yes."

"Then let's go to bed."

Somedays it's the littlest words that take up the most room in a heart.

Don't settle.

Obsessed with Better not Settle

...by Miss Courtney Olson.

Even though this is written about a guys she wants the best for..

this also goes out to every teenage girl.

Every married women.

..and to my brothers.

You'd better not settle for less.

Thankful.

Give thanks for what you are now, and keep fighting for what you want to be tomorrow.

~Fernanda Miramontes-Landeros

Who I am when you're not looking..

Dear boy,
There is this little side of me that you might not know yet. I dance around late at night with the blinds closed. I call my mom when life gets hard. I look at your text messages over and over. I drink juice from the carton. I take thirty minute showers sometimes. I look up endless house projects that I dream over. I giggle for hours when on the phone with my friends. I paint my toenails all different colors. I blare my radio with all its might when driving down the road. I laugh at myself over and over. I slide around on my hardwood floors when my pants are a little too long. Sometimes I watch too much tv and sit on the computer too long. I eat two cookies instead of one. I sit and pray you'll get to come over just a little earlier. I work out when I'm stressed. I cook things for others before I cook them for you. I play the air guitar. I wear baggy shirts and live for moments when no ones home so I can sit around in my undies.
I call my dad when I need advice. I let the dishes soak just a little bit too long in the dishwater. I blog. I pee with the door wide open. I email my little brothers silly little videos. I rearrange my fridge almost every other day. I curse out load when I'm upset.

Maybe someday you'll get to witness all of this in person.
Just maybe.

So, what are you doing when I'm not looking?

xoxo,
awna jade

Glitter in my eyes.

Things that seem to have me loving this life.

driving pick-up trucks.

fall leaves scattering in my front lawn.

kayaking down the river.

hot weather in october.

good-bye kisses that linger.

little brothers.

cotton candy go-gurt.

moms that call on their lunch breaks.

little boys who make me giggle.

co-workers who make the day 100 times better.

working out.

new songs on the radio.

letters from friends.

the smell of apple cider.

tj.

..and the possibility that life can really be that wonderful.