beautiful.

you. me. ranger. fire. naps. pizza. laughter. breakfast. moles. snow. dogs. hiking. trees. happiness.

such a wonderful day.

happy weekend.

get it right.

If I get anything right in my lifetime...

Let it be love.

Living.

Yep. I'm still alive.

Might not look that way, but I am.

Sometimes living is staying away from my computer for a few days.

..and that means less blogging.

However, if laughing and loving, and singing and dancing, and kissing and hugging is living.

I'll take that any day.

Happy FRIDAY!

Ps. I've been singing to this man lately. Isn't this video adorable? I want that MAP!

4 am.

i arrived home after a week of being gone to the most special gift waiting for me on my bed.

you are the kindest thing. your words and pictures made me smile and dance around my bedroom.

then you came over and the night got even better. we talked for hours before crawling into bed to watch some Dexter on Netflix, and to steal a few kisses here and there.

You make me so happy.

I looked over only to see you staring back at me. I asked if you were hungry, so down to the kitchen we went to make a 2.30am snack.

Back upstairs we raced to watch a few more episodes, and finally around 4 am. our night came to an end...with you right beside me.

I absolutely love those nights.

Love. Love. Love.

Snow Falls..

This week I watched the snow fall and realized I loved lazy Saturday mornings spent watching hours of Dexter with you. I realized I loved sipping hot chocolate while sitting at the computer watching ridiculous videos. I realized I loved your grin, and I hope that if I'm with you in years to come that I never forget how incredible seeing that smile makes me feel. I realized I loved your jokes, and your caring ways. I realized I loved spending hours just sitting around the house talking, and how each story you tell intrigues me more and more. I realized I love your hands, and the way they rub my back out of habit every time we sit down together. I realized I loved your laugh, and the way it fills up a room.

I realized I loved the way you effortlessly fit in to my life.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that this week I watched the snow fall and I realized that I have absolutely, no doubt about it...

fallen in love with you.

scary? yes.

wonderful? definitely yes.

day one.

Day One.

Tj came over.

Went to buy RV antifreeze.

Went to get camper.

Brought it to my house.

Checked it out.

Ran to Ace to get cords.

Got ice-cream.

Came back to camper.

Looked over all light switches/heaters/drawers/cabinets.

Realized the previous owners didn't think it would be cool to empty sewer lines.

Had a mess.

Laughed at each other once realizing what I had gotten myself into.

Cleaned it up. (while gagging.)

Tj fixed oven. and fridge. and everything he could.

Ripped out part of ceiling to see what we had to work with.

Removed random screws throughout camper.

Called it a day.

A perfect day one if you ask me.

Ps. this thing came with working party lights. it might have been filled with crap..but working party lights make up for a lot of things. :)

sold.

They say money can't buy you happiness.

However, $500 brought me some joy...

And she's all mine.

...and she's beautiful--even if she looks like a diamond in the rough right now.

:)

Have a happy, happy week.

Grow and be ready.

Isn't that the hardest part of life...

The whole growing and being ready part?

Never in my life did I think that was true. I thought I needed somebody to help me grow. Somebody to grow with. Now more than ever do I realize that you need to be comfortable and happy with you first. You need to figure out what is going to make you smile, and what is going to hurt your feelings. You need to figure what makes your world happy, instead of relying on what makes others happy. Once you are the best you possible- I think thats the time you will find pure happiness in others.

You won't want to waste your time with someone you aren't quite sure about.

You will be at that point in your life where you know you can be happy on your own, and it's at that moment, in the complete calmness of finally enjoying who you are that you might just meet somebody that is exactly what you are looking for.

For me it's somebody who will walk right on into my house without knocking.

Someone who finds fun in hanging up pictures on the wall.

A guy who feels bad if you don't talk that night.

Somebody who at the hint of a smile can make my day.

..a guy who rinses his dishes off in the sink.

......someone who helps me look for the remote after i've lost it for the 5th time that evening.

... somebody who makes me feel comfortable asking him the most uncomfortable questions.

..someone who i cannot wait to kiss each moment i see him.

..somebody who respects this world and the people in it.

...somebody who makes a road trip more fun, rather than awkward.

...somebody who lives in the moment and is up for anything.

..somebody who enjoys doing nothing.

...and somebody who can make me smile. For real.

So, make sure you are truly happy with yourself before you rely on somebody else to put happiness into your world.

It's a lot easier that way.

Because if nothing else, what is there to lose?

If you were happy with just being you, life will be good either way.

Someday...How about today!?

Hi my name is Awna, and I think I just bought a camper.

I am about 94% positive I am going to do this for real.

It might be slightly ugly now, but I have big hopes for her.

I'm thinking wooden floors.

Colorful bedding.

White Cabinets.

And an amazing exterior paint job.

I cannot wait.

Summer 2011 better be ready for a few roadtrips and fishing adventures.

Doesn't that kinda look like a slice of heaven?

I think so.

I think I might need a pickup.

tired.

"Are you tired too?"

"Yes."

"Then let's go to bed."

Somedays it's the littlest words that take up the most room in a heart.

Don't settle.

Obsessed with Better not Settle

...by Miss Courtney Olson.

Even though this is written about a guys she wants the best for..

this also goes out to every teenage girl.

Every married women.

..and to my brothers.

You'd better not settle for less.

Thankful.

Give thanks for what you are now, and keep fighting for what you want to be tomorrow.

~Fernanda Miramontes-Landeros

Who I am when you're not looking..

Dear boy,
There is this little side of me that you might not know yet. I dance around late at night with the blinds closed. I call my mom when life gets hard. I look at your text messages over and over. I drink juice from the carton. I take thirty minute showers sometimes. I look up endless house projects that I dream over. I giggle for hours when on the phone with my friends. I paint my toenails all different colors. I blare my radio with all its might when driving down the road. I laugh at myself over and over. I slide around on my hardwood floors when my pants are a little too long. Sometimes I watch too much tv and sit on the computer too long. I eat two cookies instead of one. I sit and pray you'll get to come over just a little earlier. I work out when I'm stressed. I cook things for others before I cook them for you. I play the air guitar. I wear baggy shirts and live for moments when no ones home so I can sit around in my undies.
I call my dad when I need advice. I let the dishes soak just a little bit too long in the dishwater. I blog. I pee with the door wide open. I email my little brothers silly little videos. I rearrange my fridge almost every other day. I curse out load when I'm upset.

Maybe someday you'll get to witness all of this in person.
Just maybe.

So, what are you doing when I'm not looking?

xoxo,
awna jade

Glitter in my eyes.

Things that seem to have me loving this life.

driving pick-up trucks.

fall leaves scattering in my front lawn.

kayaking down the river.

hot weather in october.

good-bye kisses that linger.

little brothers.

cotton candy go-gurt.

moms that call on their lunch breaks.

little boys who make me giggle.

co-workers who make the day 100 times better.

working out.

new songs on the radio.

letters from friends.

the smell of apple cider.

tj.

..and the possibility that life can really be that wonderful.

little girl.

Little girl, believe in yourself.

Believe in love, long after it breaks your heart.

Believe in laughter, and find it in something everyday.

Little girl, keep on dreaming.

Know that someday you will be the best part of someone's day.

Take those endless dreams and make them into your own reality.

Little girl, take in each moment on this road of life and believe that each little glitch is shaping your story.

Little girl, you are only 23.

You've got a lot of life to live.

You've got your whole world to discover.

beginning of everything.

“I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity, and her flaming self respect. And it's these things I'd believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn't all she should be. I love her and it is the beginning of everything.” -- F. Scott Fitzgerald

Magical.

Somedays life is magical...and I am so grateful for the incredible blessings I am given.

Like parents who come help out whenever they can.

...and little brothers who check in to make sure their big sister is doing ok.

....and boys who send flowers to let me know they are thinking of me while they are away.

...and clients who want to fly me to location to shoot their engagement and wedding photos.

With that..

This girl is going to Phoenix to shoot an engagement session..

...and to Mexico to shoot another couples wedding.

So excited. So blessed.

This is what life is all about-taking in every single opportunity we are given.

please.

i miss your pickup in front of my house.
your head on my pillow.
your laughter in my ear.
and your kiss on my lips.

i know it's fun where you are.
but its more fun when you are where i am.

so...come back please.

darling.

so usually the words toilet and paper togother make me cringe.

however, today they don't sound too bad.

especially when they look this good.

i love it.

ps. i also love owning a house.

it makes decorating everything, including tp so much more fun.

That girl.

..I wanna be that girl to give you smiles, and laughter, and love notes, and all the love i have to give.

Most importantly, I wanna give you that story to tell.

loving on...

this summer was full of ups.

and downs.

but either way it was a great summer to buy some toys to replenish my love for all things photography related...

some of my favorite pieces include..

my KETTI camera bag.

so in love with this.

and so stylish.

and so thankful for my great friend miranda for this amazing birthday gift.

my new 24-105mm L-series lens. yes..it is freakin' amazing.

my new wide format polaroid.

it joins my other two, but this one is just so much more easy to buy film for.

even if it looks like i'm hauling a toy around.

What are your favorite summer purchases?

And they told her...

Never

Never

Never

Give up.

You can begin anywhere.

Dear you,

Call me at midnight just to say hello. Let's go camping in your pickup on a Thursday night just because we can. Lets build a campfire at dawn and snuggle up to each other until we absolutely have to let our day begin. Teach me your crafts. Let me sing songs loudly to the radio as we drive aimlessly around town. Let's get slushies together every chance we get. Let's build forts out of furniture and act like we are 12 again. Leave me notes wherever you can. Buy me a drink if mine is almost gone. Let me play with your hair until you fall asleep. Remind me every chance you get if you miss me. Miss me, please? Ask me about my day. Take me out to eat. Introduce me to every person who means something to you if given the chance. Teach me to drive stick shift. Don't make a funny face when I wanna take your picture. Let me be artsy-it's what I love. Ask me how my family is. Let me get to know yours. Be ok with doing nothing. Surprise me at work. Let me fall in love with your dimples. Let me in. Tell me who you are and why you are that person. Lets get dusty and dirty together, i'm ok with that. Always kiss me hello, and then goodbye, and any other chance you'd like in the middle. Rent my favorite movie when I'm sick. Hold my hand. Dance with me when we get the chance. Let yourself learn from my dad when you can. Kiss me at the grocery store if you want to. Let me travel with you when you have to go somewhere, I promise to keep you company. Say please and thank-you. Tell me about your bad days, along with the good ones. Make me laugh..outloud. Come over at 3.34 just because you couldn't wait a minute longer. Love me passionately. Wake me at 2 in the morning just to watch the rain fall. Let me get to know your friends. Help my mom when you can. Hold the door open. Take walks with me. Don't get mad when I ask you questions. Rub my back when we are cuddling on the couch. Look at me with those beautiful eyes whenever you can, I adore them. Lets go swimming in the middle of the night. Never let the little things go.

Love me for absolutely everything thing that I am.

Whoever you are...

I'm ready for all of this.

Are you?

Love, me.

The real list.

Love this.

Sums up my life perfectly.

be happy.

...and you are driving up to the courthouse with your stomach in knots. you make your way up the stairs wondering who is watching you, and wondering if they happen to know what you are there for. you sit outside the courtroom praying that no one sees you, and that your mom was there beside you. he shows up. your stomach is in bigger knots. you think you are a failure, but you know you deserve better. you make yourself inside that lonely, cold courtroom. you tell the judge what he wants to hear, yet on the inside you are wanting to yell out your side of the story. you want the judge to understand why you are doing something you never in your life wanted to do. you want him to know you just want to be happy and loved to the fullest, and this isn't making you feel that way. you know he'd understand, but you sit back down without saying a word. he talks. you wish you had your mom and dad and brothers and miranda and the rest of the world standing right behind you because you've never needed to be more strong than right now. you fight back tears that have been falling for the past four months. one falls. you wipe it away fast so that no one knows how much this hurts you to be at this point in your life. you walk back out of that courtroom. you go back to your car, and you cry outloud. you pray once again, this time for the hope that your life will be good again soon.

and then you go on with your day. you tell people that things went well for you that morning. you go home that night. you go to bed alone again.

you wake up, and do the same thing the next day. you smile. you work. you tell people you are doing fine.

and then one day, after many nights of waking up alone, things do start getting better.

you realize exactly why you are at this moment in your life, and you wouldn't have it any other way.

you start smiling out of truth instead of denial. you start laughing out loud when you see your family and friends.

you start feeling good about your life and the things you have.

you know you are the person you've always wanted to be, and you look forward to sharing that with someone just as wonderful.

...and you realize you are happy again.

and so is your heart.

more days like this.

It's 11:35 and I'm going to bed with a smile on my face.

I had some s'mores. I tried to start a campfire, and I hung out with someone who put that smile on my face.

That's a good day.

I could use more of those.

Minute by minute.

I'd really like the summer of 2010 to start over, because I'm finally starting to enjoy it.

My days and minutes have been cramped full down to the second, and time seems to be flying by.

I've spent that time doing many, many things.. making wonderful memories, and learning life lessons along the way.

I...

Traveled to Alaska, and had the time of my life with my wonderful family.

Made a pitstop to see Edward Cullen along the way in Forks, Washington.

Took pictures for lots of incredible, {and cute} clients.

Fell in love with my job all over again.

{Especially with the great conversation and company that comes from an hour of cleaning teeth}

Turned 23 and bought my very own house.

...and I faced heartbreak unlike any other.

wow. that may have been the first time i've been able to type that out. such a hard thing to say.

Out of all that this summer has had in store for me, I am happy.

I am alive.

I'm surrounded by wonderful co-workers, family, and friends who have helped me out far more than they can ever imagine.

I'm putting my feet back on the ground slowly, and I am starting to have fun with life all over again.

It's fun to find yourself after months of not knowing who you were anymore.

And as scary and hard as it was, I'm not giving up on love.

And I never will.

Never. Ever.

23.

this year i want to smile more.

kiss with more passion.

write letters to those who mean the most.

surprise someone--and myself sometimes too.

make the most of every situation.

find something that makes me happy, and put more of it into my life.

listen better.

conquer my fears.

laugh until i have tears in my eyes.

take time for friends, and myself.

say what i really feel.

meet you.

grow up. or down. whatever i feel like that day.

enjoy everything in this life. good. bad. everything.

this is going to be a great year.

She's got a little bit of something....

Thank God it's better than nothing.

Sometimes an old song makes me feel better than I ever thought a song could.

thank you the coffee house on xm radio. you save me some days.

Reality.

I'm home!

Alaska and Washington were wonderful.

I loved every minute of being with my family.

I also just fell in love with this.

Sorry, I'm almost over my obsession with this.

It's just to heartwarming for it's own good...

4.

If you read my blog a week back, you understand my love for soldiers.

For everything they stand for, everything they do for me, and that I LOVE seeing them in airports--especially watching them return to those who love them, and have missed them.

So, for my 4th of July blog, I want you to head over to Rachel's blog and to read

THIS

emotional welcome back story.

I was in tears when I read it.

Can you just feel the emotions behind it?

Ahh, so happy for you guys Rachel, and thank you for letting me share your story!

Happy 4th of July!!

away we go.

The time is here to head out of town...

..to forget about some of the sadness around me, and to enjoy my family and take in the sights of Seattle, Forks, and Alaska.

Hoping you all have a wonderful couple of weeks!

I hope.

i really, really do.

planned.

Today I may not have a thing at all, except for just a dream or two..
But I’ve got lots of plans for tomorrow.

Right now it may not seem like summer at all
We’re drifting and the laughs are few,
but I’ve got rainbows planned for tomorrow.....

'Cause I was really into you.

You were wild and I was too..

I was really into you.

You were really into me.

We used to get real high on each other.

When we'd go flying in your car, I swear we'd chase the moon down.

...Until the sun came up.

I love, love, love taking pictures.

Especially when you have beautiful clients and endless backdrops.

North Dakota, I miss you sometimes.

Flutter.

whimsical lyrics,

mint oreos

and a day home with my family...

Wanna know what else makes my heart flutter?

Soldiers in airports.

and on buses...

and trains.

The hope of knowing that they are getting back to somebody who cannot wait to hug them and touch them and kiss them all over...

It's magical.

Ever seen a soldier in an airport and wonder what his story is?

I do all the time.

Ever been there to witness a soldier returning home to somebody at an airport?

One of the best sights in the world.

My eyes teared up instantly.

I love love.

I cannot imagine the love that builds up after a year without somebody special.

It's got to be hard, but that reunion--that's a heart flutter that you never forget.